Perfectionism: Can less perfect, be perfect?

Growing up in a Chinese household often meant being enveloped in a culture that valued hard work ethic, academic excellence, and familial duty.

This focus of individual and family is rooted in virtues of Confucianism and is what my family had woven into our way of life.  In practice, I've observed that these values can sometimes evolve into pursuit of “perfectionism”, which can have significant mental health implications.

Perfectionism, often meant with the best of intentions, can be where parents strive to instil a strong work ethic and a drive for success in their children. This cultural emphasis on achieving high standards can lead to remarkable accomplishments. However, it also create immense pressure. The belief that one must always excel and avoid failure can be deeply ingrained, making it difficult to accept mistakes or embrace imperfections.

The pressure to be perfect isn't just about personal success—it's also about honouring family expectations and upholding a legacy. The concept of "saving face" is paramount; failure isn't seen as an isolated event but as something that can reflect poorly on the entire family. This can result in a constant fear of not being enough and a relentless pursuit of unattainable standards.

While doing really things well and doing them perfectly can be motivating in the present, it's not uncommon for individuals to feel trapped in a cycle of overachievement, where each success only sets a higher bar for the next. The joy of accomplishment is often overshadowed by the looming fear of future failures or mistakes. All of which are not realistic or sustainable, creating a “paradox of perfect”.

Perfectionism can manifest in various ways: symptoms of anxiety, depression, burnout, pervasive sense of inadequacy and diminished sense of self-worth.

Addressing perfectionism involves redefining our ideas of success and embracing a more compassionate self. Growth, learning and fulfillment come often when we are accepting our flaws and learning from our mistakes - and where we get to be a unique individual; and human!

For parents, while its important to balance high expectations with unconditional support and understanding, encouraging children to pursue their passions and acknowledging their efforts, rather than just their achievements, can foster a healthier self-image.

Growing up Chinese and navigating the nuances of perfectionism is and has a been a complex journey.

For individuals struggling with perfectionism, therapy can offer tools to challenge negative thought patterns, cultivate self-compassion, and develop a more balanced approach to personal and professional goals.

Fostering supportive environments where there is a culture of empathy and compassion, acknowledging cultural expectations, in both families and broader society, can help individuals learn, challenge and dismantle the burdens of perfectionism.

If you or a loved one is interested in exploring support with your experiences or challenges with perfectionism, reach out for your free consultation today!